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COMPLETE RECIPES

Blumer takes ordinary ingredients and adds a dash of visual puns to create his surreal foods. For a talk show appearance alongside Playboy's Miss April '98, he created the "Bed" of Polenta by artfully arranging fresh ravioli, a sheet of pasta, polenta and a roasted red pepper sauce. In "Diced" Fish , shark filet studded with black peppercorns is floated in a cilantro sauce. Ham & "Eggs" is nothing more than prosciutto and melon. Pound Cake "Fries" with Raspberry "Catsup" is a child-friendly way to serve pound cake with a fruit-based coulis. The gimmick behind Shrimp "on the Bar-B" relies more on the pneumatically enhanced doll than the chipotle dry-rub shrimp surrounding it.

POUND CAKE "FRIES" WITH RASPBERRY "CATSUP"
Serves 2 as a dessert, with leftover sauce for your next dish of ice cream.
Have them my way.

Pound Cake "fries"
1/4 loaf of pound cake, cut into 1/4-inch slices
1 cardboard French fry container (ask politely and you shall receive)

1) Cut pound cake slices into 1/4-inch strips.
2) Arrange strips on a toaster-oven rack and toast until browned on top and bottom. Turn strips and toast until remaining two sides are browned. Let cool, then arrange in container.

Raspberry "catsup"
1 12-ounce bag frozen raspberries, thawed, or 2 cups fresh raspberries, 2 tablespoons confectionery (icing) sugar, 1 empty catsup squeeze bottle.

1) Place raspberries in a blender or food processor, and puree (add 1 or 2 tablespoons of water or lemon juice, if necessary, to facilitate blending).
2) Add sugar, one teaspoon at a time, to taste, until tartness is gone.
3) Place raspberry puree in a fine mesh strainer over a bowl. Use a rubber spatula to force puree through the strainer. Discard the seeds, and transfer the puree to the squeeze bottle. Serve alongside "fries."

Specialized cooking apparatus: Toaster oven
Props: French fry container, squeeze bottle

"DICED" FISH
Serves 4 as an entrée.
Life is a crapshoot. But the odds are good that your lucky guests will be impressed by this fish dish.

Fish
1 (20-ounce) fillet of a firm-fleshed fish (e.g. shark), cut 11/4 inch thick
1 teaspoon olive oil
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice
salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
1 tablespoon whole black peppercorns

1) Make cilantro sauce or your own favorite sauce. Reheat before serving.
2) Preheat oven to 400°F.
3) With a very sharp knife, cut fish into eight 11/4-inch cubes. Use scraps for fishwiches, or cat food.
4) Rub oil over two 12x16-inch sheets of aluminum foil. Turn up the edges.
5) Place half the cubes in the center of each piece of foil. Drizzle with lime juice. Add salt and pepper.
6) Seal packages and bake for 10 minutes.
7) Remove from foil and use the tip of a paring knife to make small holes for the peppercorns. Gently press peppercorns into holes.
8) Spoon sauce onto warmed plates. Top with two "dice" and serve immediately.

Piquant Cilantro Sauce
1 tablespoon butter
2 leeks, white and pale green sections only, finely chopped, then thoroughly washed
1 jalapeno chili, seeds and membranes removed, finely diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 cup chicken stock
11/2 cups lightly packed fresh cilantro, stems removed before measuring
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
3 tablespoons sour cream

1) Melt the butter over medium heat in a sauté pan.
2) Add the leeks, jalapeno, and garlic, and sauté for about 5 minutes, or until the leeks are translucent - but not brown.
3) Reduce heat to medium and add the stock. Simmer, uncovered, for 15 minutes. (Adjust heat as required, to maintain simmer). The liquid should reduce by half.
4) Remove from heat and let cool.
5) Transfer to a blender or food processor and add the dill, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Purée until smooth. Reserve and reheat just before serving. Stir in the sour cream at the last minute.

Recommended wine: Australian Chardonnay. Like a little thunder from down under, these big Chardonnays are well suited to fish dishes with creamy sauces.

"BED" OF POLENTA
Serves 2 as an entrée.
A couple of years ago I appeared on a mid-afternoon talk show alongside Playboy's Miss April '96. I created this polenta bed with ravioli pillows in her honor. You can make the Roasted Red Bell Pepper Sauce from scratch or save time by using any store-bought red sauce or pesto.

Roasted Red Bell Pepper Sauce
4 red bell peppers
1 poblano chili
2 tablespoons butter or olive oil
2 shallots, diced
1 leek, white and pale green section only, diced
11/2 cups chicken or vegetable stock
2 tablespoons fresh thyme, stems removed before measuring
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
1/2 cup half-and-half cream

1) Roast the red and poblano peppers whole over a charcoal flame or under a broiler, turning until entirely blackened. Remove from the grill and immediately place in a paper bag, seal, and let sit for 3 minutes. Peel off the charred skin and discard. Slice open the peeled peppers and discard the membranes and seeds.
2) Melt the butter in a sauté pan over medium heat and add the shallots and leeks. Cook for about 6 minutes, stirring frequently, or until the shallots and leeks are barely golden.
3) Add the stock, thyme, and half of the peppers. Bring to a boil, then immediately reduce heat to medium-low. Simmer for 15 minutes. (Adjust heat as required, to maintain simmer).
4) Remove from heat and let cool. In a food processor or blender, add the remaining red peppers, poblano chili, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Blend until smooth.
5) Before serving, reheat sauce in a saucepan and stir in cream.

Polenta "bed"
1 cup polenta

1) Prepare polenta according to package directions (for additional flavor, replace water with chicken stock, and add salt and pepper, chopped fresh herbs, and freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese).
2) Spread a 3/4-inch layer of cooked polenta in a greased 8x10-inch baking pan and let set until solid (this may take an hour or so).
3) Cut two 4x5-inch slabs of polenta.
4) Just before serving, finish polenta by sautéing in a pan with one or two teaspoons of olive oil for approximately 5 minutes per side, or until it is browned and crispy on the outside.

Pasta "sheet"
2 sheets fresh uncut pasta, cut into 5-inch squares. (You can find uncut sheets of pasta at fresh pasta stores. Alternatively, use extra-wide sheets of dried lasagna pasta and make single "beds")

1) Boil pasta in a large pot according to package directions.
2) Strain pasta into a colander that has been coated with olive oil on the inside (to avoid stickage).

Ravioli "pillows"
4 pieces fresh ravioli

1) Boil ravioli according to package directions.
2) Strain ravioli into a colander that has been coated with olive oil on the inside. Assemble beds on warmed plates, then spoon sauce around perimeter.

Specialty ingredient: whole pasta sheets

HAM & "EGGS"
Serves 4 as an appetizer.
This visual twist on the classic pairing of melon and prosciutto will provide an eggcentric beginning to any meal.

2 honeydew melons
1 cantaloupe melon
1/3 pound prosciutto
2 sprigs parsley

1) Cut four 1/4-inch slices from each honeydew melon.
2) Shape honeydew slices to look like the egg white of a sunny-side-up egg.
3) Slice the cantaloupe in half and use a melon scoop or a measuring tablespoon to carve out two "yolks."
4) Trim the melon balls to resemble yolks.
5) Assemble "eggs" and position prosciutto alongside them.
6) Garnish with parsley and serve immediately, or refrigerate.

Specialized cooking apparatus: Melon scoop or measuring tablespoon
Props: For the best contrast, use solid-colour plates that are neither white nor yellow.

CHIPOTLE DRY-RUB SHRIMP WITH CILANTRO DIPPING SAUCE
Serves 4.
Every time I pan-cook these shrimp indoors, I set off the smoke alarm. It's a ringing affirmation that I have hit the crowd-pleasing jackpot. Whether they are cooked on the stove or an outdoor grill, they always disappear instantly. XL shrimp are a bit pricey, but a couple of these memorably seasoned shellfish per person is all it takes to impress. The recipe multiplies effortlessly to create a winning appetizer for any size dinner or cocktail party.

Chipotle dry-rub shrimp
3/4 pound uncooked 12/15 count shrimp (translation: 12 to 15 shrimp to a pound)
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1/2 tablespoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon lemon pepper (a mixed spice seasoning), or dried lemon peel
1/4-1/2 teaspoon ground chipotle chili (may be replaced with cayenne pepper, but only after you've been to hell and back searching for chipotle)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon olive oil

1) Shell and devein shrimp. I leave the tails on for esthetic reasons. Pat dry.
2) In a medium-size bowl, mix all spices. Add shrimp and toss thoroughly.
3) Grill for 2 minutes per side, or until shrimp are no longer translucent. Brush both sides lightly with olive oil while cooking. Do not overcook. Serve hot, or at room temperature, with cilantro dipping sauce.

Cilantro Dipping Sauce
1 cup lightly packed fresh cilantro leaves, stems discarded before measuring
3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice
1/2 cup sour cream

1) Blend cilantro and lime juice in a food processor or a blender until cilantro is liquefied. Pour into a small bowl and stir in sour cream. Refrigerate until ready for use.

Le secret: The chipotle does all the hard work by adding a unique smoky flavour to the shrimp.
The Adventure Club: Serve shrimp "on the bar-b."
Alarming advice: Unhook your smoke alarm before cooking shrimp (but don't forget to reconnect it).
Alternate pan method: Heat a well-seasoned iron skillet or non-stick pan over high heat. When pan is smoking hot, add several drops of oil. Then add as many shrimp as pan can accommodate without overlapping. Cook for 11/2 minutes per side, or until no longer translucent. Do not overcook. Repeat as necessary to cook all shrimp.
Specialized cooking apparatus: Food processor or blender; brush
Tips for advanced prep: The dry rub can be made ahead and stored in a sealed jar. Make extra; it lasts almost indefinitely. The shrimp can be shelled and deveined up to a day in advance.